​A Blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "Oh well!" and turned around and drove home. On her way home the she drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
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A brunette and a Blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie." The Blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
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A policeman pulled a Blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving!
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Two Blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other Blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and a half hour later they are both killed by the train.
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Two Blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
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A Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said, but Saint Peter said not to worry, he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The Blonde thought for a few minutes, then her eyes lit up and she replied "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" asked Saint Peter
She sang, "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
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Did you hear about the Blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia...
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Two Blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a Blonde in the middle of the field rowing a boat. The driver Blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's Blondes like that that give us a bad name!" To this the other Blonde replied "I know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
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A Blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
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​ A Blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

A Blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she likes it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn't look as good after it was taken out of the crate.
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A Blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7AM. Signed, The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag with the cash was the following note: "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one Blonde would do this to another."
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Two Blondes living in Oklahoma are sitting on a bench talking. One asks the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"
The other Blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?"
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The Blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station and tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is running smoothly.
She asks, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She gets a puzzled look on her face, "How often do I have to do that?"
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The police officer stops a Blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely to see her license.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he is astounded to see that the Blonde behind the wheel is knitting! Realizing that she's oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranks down his window, turns on his bullhorn and yells, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the Blonde yells back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

A Blonde is out for a walk and enjoying the day. She comes to a river and sees another Blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side of the river?"
The second Blonde looks up the river, then she looks down the river. She shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde are talking one day. The Russian says, "We were the first in space!"
The American says, "So what? We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde says, "That's nothing! Blondes will be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American look at each other and in unison say, "Blondes...!" The Russian, in exasperation, says "'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"
The Blonde flounces her hair and replies, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A Blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, so she rolled the dice and landed on 'Science & Nature'. The question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it running or not?"

The Blonde acquired two new dogs, naming them 'Rolex' and 'Casio'. A friend asked her why the strange names.
"HELLLOOOOOOO......" answered the Blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

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